So for Ashlee to say that Stanlee was the fattest cat she'd ever seen, I had to scoff.

The first time I met Stanlee (in which he was trying to dart out the apartment door), I forgot about everything Ashlee had said about him. The only words that came to mind, the only words that could do justice, were, "holy crap, that's Fat Stanlee?" Seriously. Huge. My first reaction was to pick him up, almost to prove that I could. I think my back wasn't ready for the slight strain. You see, Stanlee wasn't just fat, he was a big cat -- and a bit overweight. A big, orange, wide-eyed, lightly-striped fat cat, to be exact.

My first encounter with Stanlee was easy and pleasant. After he got over the urge to leave Ashlee's apartment, he quickly relaxed and settled in right next to me on the couch. That's when I noticed more Stanlee characteristics -- his helicopter purr and his dilated eyes. Stanlee was always happy to be near people and always looked shocked at what was going on.

That was almost three years ago and ever since then, Stanlee has been a large part of my life.

When Ashlee and I moved in with each other, Stanlee was finally introduced to Levi. Naturally the two hated each other at first, but over the past few years, they've grown accustomed to either avoiding each other or fighting like grizzly bears when they wanted to be fed.

For as much mass as Stanlee had to cuddle with, his weight seemed to get him into health problems off and on. He dealt with a spell of tied up bowels, to which we remedied with sweet potatoes and Pepcid AC. But after Ash and I moved into our house, thanks to sleeping upstairs and eating downstairs, his weight started to become manageable.

Two weeks ago, Stanlee was going through another bad spell. His appetite wasn't what it used to be. He wasn't using the bathroom nearly as much as he always did (which was a lot). And his thirst drove him to hop up on tables to knock glasses over just to get a sip of water.

We knew things weren't right, especially when his muscle mass started to deteriorate. And that's when we really started to worry.

We took Stanlee in last Thursday to see what was going on. The vet said his kidney count was extremely elevated. While the count wasn't good, the doc was optimistic that things could be turned around. Three days later, the doctor was pleased with the progress as Stanlee was moving around like normal and talking like he always did.

The next day, things flipped to the bad side -- his kidney levels had gotten much worse and the outlook was grim.

We took Stanlee home that night and had one last evening with him. We did his favorite thing, we all three sat on the couch and cuddled up while watching television.

The following day, we took Stanlle on one last car ride to the vet and watched him pass. Not surprisingly, with both of our hands on him, Stanlee purred as loud as he could until he couldn't any more.

Honestly, Stanlee is leaving a giant hole in our lives. No longer will he greet us at the door when we come home. Nor will he try to bolt outside onto the porch whenever we go in or out. He won't give us hugs when he's hungry, or try to eat leaves from the Japanese Maple when we're not looking -- and then puke them up two seconds later. There won't be any more army crawls between us in bed while we read, or him licking our feet when we get out of the shower. No more 5-minute urination sessions at 2am or purring that lasts the whole night through. He won't watch football with me anymore, or attempt to clean Levi when she's not paying attention.

The big, orange snaggletoothed cat known as Fat Stanlee has passed and gone on to bigger and better things. His life will be remember by many people who couldn't help but love the big oaf. And, ultimately, he leaves me saying the same thing that I said the first night I met him, "holy crap, that's Fat Stanlee."

He was truly one of the world's greatest cats.

Levi, you're gonna have to learn to let Ashlee pick you up.

When the first "Transformers" came out in 2007, I was super pumped. There had been rumors for years that the movie was being made, but no one could, or would, ever confirm it. When it was finally confirmed and set for release, my excitement somewhat ebbed when I learned that the man behind it all was Michael Bay – whose ONLY film that's considered Fresh that he's directed, EVER, was 1996's "The Rock." The only Fresh one. Ever.

The first "Transformers" came in at 57%, which really isn't that bad (I didn't think it was a 57%, whatevs). But in Hollywood, that doesn't matter, right? Much crappier movies are put out every year and make TONS of money. Like, say, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," which is currently ranked at a whopping 19%.

So in the name of Bad Movie Night, we trudged down to the new AMC Mainstreet theater, packed with the latest in digital technology (including rumble seats) to check out Bay's latest turd.

Honestly, for the first 20 minutes, I didn't understand what everyone didn't like. It was well-paced and easily set the movie up quickly and nicely. But something happened in minute 21 that changed it all. I don't remember exactly what it was, but at that point, you had to start saying to yourself, "for a movie about giant alien robots, this is okay."

Revenge of the Fallen had so many flaws and questions that I could ask. So many stereotypes that others have already yelled about. But that's been done. The one thing, err, several things, I noticed with the movie is that Bay had an idea for the movie, but needed the help of many other movies to complete it. Here's what I saw and remember, I'm sure there are more (spoilers, kinda):

1. Tiny transformers grumble, giggle, laugh and attack larger humans – Gremlins
2. College professor has all the chicks mystified – Raiders of the Lost Ark
3. Megan Fox, sweaty, scantily clad and running around in slow motion – Transformers
4. Optimus sacrifices himself, only to come back to life later. – Lord of the Rings
5. The humans being able to decipher alien language that no one has been able to do for centuries, landmarks not being where they're shown to be – National Treasure
6. Dumb parents, dumb Sector 7 dude, dumb sidekicks providing NO comic relief (comic relief from WHAT, exactly?) – Transformers
7. Action that happens so fast you really can't tell what just happened – The Bourne Supremacy
8. LaBeouf has information in his head that evil peeps are trying to extract – Johnny Mnemonic (kinda)
9. Robot spirits, yes, robot spirits, appear and tell LaBeouf what he needs to do. – Star Wars

Gosh, I know there are many more, so, please chime in with what you noticed.

Is "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," THAT bad of a movie? Well, for a movie about giant alien robots, no. But for a movie in general, yeah, pretty much.

As I was taking all of the information in yesterday, never you mind the fact that I think this has conspiracy written all over it, I thought back to a time in my life... nay... THE time in my life when Michael Jackson was most influential over what I did.

It was 1983 and Thriller had been released the year before and was taking the nation, and pop charts, by storm. This was also a time when music videos were becoming popular and Thirller was a masterpiece of music video mastery.

After school (this would be first grade, I believe) would let out, a group of us kids would walk down the block and stay at an after school program until our parents got off of work. The same group had been going to this day care for maybe two years and knew each other pretty well. We would play on the playground together, watch Turkey TV together, take field trips, etc. So when we all saw Thriller for the first time, we knew what we had to do.

We had to have a breakdancing contest.

Breakdancing was becoming HUGE and we were all REALLY good at it. Well, we thought we were, so we decided we should figure out who was the best.

Here's how it worked: Each of us took turns standing outside the room and would enter when the music started. Then we'd do a little breakdance routine. The rest of the kids would vote on who did the best job.

The contest started and I luckily drew the last spot. I don't remember anyone else dancing, but I'm sure they did. Soon enough it was my time to go. I waited outside the door and when the music started, I entered the room.

I really don't recall how my routine went move-for-move, but I do know that there was some robot, some moonwalking, some worming, all of which were leading up to the finishing move — a backspin that would end with my head propped up on my hand and my legs crossed.

It was time to pull the finishing move. I got into position, flung my body around and while I'm spinning, trying to figure out where the audience was in relation to my spin, the most undesirable, unthinkable thing happened.

I farted. Right then, right there, in the midst of my bad ass backspin, I farted.

I'm not sure how, but, I kept my composure and finished the routine. Everyone was laughing and I couldn't leave the room fast enough.

It didn't take long for the room of voters to deliberate and decide who won. And I'll say that to this day I'm shocked that I was named the winner. Especially for all of the ridicule I received over the years about that incident. I'm guessing that it helped shape me to who I am today.

So I owe Michael Jackson a big thank you. Thank you for producing some sweet music for many years. Thank you for showing me some cool dance moves. Thank you for showing me that it's okay to dance and fart. And most importantly, thank you for giving me a reason to NEVER do a backspin again.

You'll be missed MJ.

So, like I said, they came in last fall asking for help during the holiday season. It was nearing year's end and they wanted to get a bump in their online donations. Of course we wanted to help and to sweeten the deal, our friends over at Take 2 Productions and Back Alley Films joined in on the cause. After a few weeks of brainstorming, the result was one of the sweetest campaigns I've ever been a part of.

Unfortunately, it didn't make it out in time for the holiday season. The good news, however, is that the campaign launched last Friday and it's already getting good reviews.

The campaign is called L'Desh Fresh – The World's Most Authentic Drinking Water.

I'd tell you more about it, but I think the campaign speaks for itself. If you'd like to contribute, head on over to the Water Partners donation page, where a $25 donation can give clean water to one person, for life. Amazing.

Please share this with your friends and family, millions of people drink water like this daily:

Ahh! Bad Movie Night is back! And to kick off the season this year, we started with a gem that ranked in lower than 25%. Usually these types of movies don't come out of the woodworks until August, but this year is an abnormal year (maybe).

This week's movie was all about fatal attractions and stars recent Office guest star Idris Elba, Heroes alum Ali Larter and last, but certainly not the best, Beyoncé Knowles. If you've ever seen Fatal Attraction, then, well, you've seen this movie. Except this one is bad. Like 18% on RottenTomatoes.com bad.

I honestly don't think it was 18% bad, but, it DID prompt me to come home and write an email to my lovely girlfriend, Ashlee. I'll share that with you now.

Dear Ashlee,

I've really been thinking about our future and I think I've finally got it mapped out. Peer into the future with me – One of these days we're probably going to get married, have a kid, you'll stay home and I'll go to work as a high-profile portfolio manager somewhere in a huge skyscraper in downtown Los Angeles. (Of course that means we'll have to move to LA, but let's not worry about the details, okay?) Since we met when you were my secretary assistant when we first met (again, honey, don't sweat the details) and then we got married, we made a promise that I'd never take another female assistant again. It's this point that one day might cause a problem in our relationship.

Because, sometimes, no matter how high-profile I am, I DON'T get to call the shots on who comes into our firm as a temp. And honey, you know me, I'm a nice guy. So when I talk to someone new, I'm not hitting on them. Seriously. I would never hit on another woman. You're my wife and I act like a complete wuss around my co-workers because of it.

Maybe one day you'll call me to talk during work hours and she'll take a message. Nice girl. Except that she messes up your name. Hey, accidents happen. I know, I know, she's a new female temp, but I assure you, she's pretty plain. But I bet you won't think so if you ever saw her. In fact, you'd probably be a little mean to her. But it's whatever, I love you because of who you are.

So what happens if one day I walk into the lunch room and this new temp girl is crying? Of course I'm not going to ignore her. That's rude. What I'll probably do is be Mr. Nice Guy and see if she's okay. Well, honey, it turns out she's having boy problems and her self-esteem is shot. What would you do? I'll tell you what I'd do, I'd be nice and inflate her ego some, I'd tell her that that guy was an idiot and if I were single I'd probably be interested.

Next thing you know, it's Christmas season and our company is having its annual Christmas party – you know, the one where NO spouses are allowed at. Well, I'm gonna bet everyone will be drinking and MAYBE the temp will follow me into the bathroom and try to seduce me in the stall. But guess what, I tell her "no" and to go away. When I get home, I'm not going to disturb you, I'm just going to ignore it and chalk it up to everyone being drunk.

Good thing I didn't make a fuss out of it, because the next day she apologized to me. Unfortunately, she did it while showing me a really skimpy lingerie outfit. I know, I know. I should've said something. But really, I kicked her out of my car and threatened to report her. But guess what? The next day, when I went in to HR to report her, turns out she had already quit! YES!

A few months later me and the guys are going to go on a retreat before a conference. It's not a big deal. Really. By "retreat" I mean a hotel like 20 minutes away. Which, gets f'ed up because guess who shows up? That's right, the temp. Again, I turn down her advances but I don't notice that she drugs me. The next thing I know, I'm feeling REALLY drunk and can barely stand. As I'm passing out, the damn temp is IN MY ROOM! WTF indeed!

I bet I'll wake up and not remember a thing. But sure as hell the temp is going to interrupt my meeting tomorrow posing as my "wife." Holy crap, she's now telling people that we're married. I threaten to go tell on her again, but chicken out. I go back to my meeting and then that evening, when I get back to my room, the temp is in there AGAIN and is passed out, naked, in my bed with an empty bottle of pills next to her.

Of COURSE I'm going to run her to the hospital. I'm sure you'll freak out since you can't reach me and meet me at the hospital. Here's the kicker, ready for this? There's probably going to be a private investigator there that doesn't believe me that this girl is a freak. What's worse, you won't either. Why? Because I haven't told you any of this. Well, baby, it was a bit silly. And you SHOULD believe me. I'm not a liar. The temp said we slept together. But the doctors never found any of my bodily fluids in her, or couldn't even say that we had sex. BOOYAH!

Okay, fine. Kick me out of my house. I'll just go stay at a ritzy hotel and concentrate on work, where my boss barely believes me, too.

Three months will pass and we'll go out for dinner. While we're out, the temp goes into our house and steals the baby! Then, when we get home, while we're running around, she'll put him in the back seat of my car! I know, I'm freaked out, too. But NOW do you believe me? Good thing, because the detective finally does, too. To help ease our worries, we'll finally get an alarm installed into our $500k house. Then, we'll have the police patrol our house 24/7.

Baby, this is the worst part, one day you're going to leave home and forget to set the alarm. Then you're going go home and the temp will be there wearing an old football jersey of mine. You're going to get into a big fight and almost die. But you'll prevail and kill the temp.

All of this because I'm a nice guy.

I'm sure you can see this all happening, too, right? I mean, it's pretty predictable. When you boil it down, our future is downright scary. Maybe I shouldn't take a job in LA. yeah, it's probably not worth it.

Never mind about all of this. What do you want to get for lunch?

Love, Seth.

So really, the movie wasn't 18% bad. But it wasn't good, either. I actually psyched myself out thinking that there was going to be a twist – which might've made it kinda good, maybe. In the end, no dice. But there WAS a Beyoncé song, so it had that going for it.

If you ask me, that's awesome service. And honestly, it has been that way since the first time we talked with Mike over at Elegant Custom Cabinets and Countertops. They rule.

Our experience with them will definitely earn them some good words on Angie's List.

I'll tell you who WON'T be getting a good review on Angie's List -- CabinetReface.com. We had several companies give us estimates on refacing our cabinets and here's a few reasons why I'm not going to give Mr. Marusak a favorable review:

• He tried to talk us into doing more than we asked him to (like countertops and basically most of the remodeling itself)
• He said several times that he usually doesn't just give people new doors -- he'd rather come take the old ones down and have it all painted and ready to go
• He mumbled a lot when it came to telling us a rough estimate
• He flat out told us that he'd go broke if he only did projects like the one we were asking him to do
• He never gave us an estimate.

So there you have it. If you want awesome service and a great product, I highly recommend you call Mike at Elegant Custom Cabinets and Countertops. For crummy service and 0% follow-through, check out CabinetReface.com (but you won't be pleased, unless you're a sadomasochist).

We somehow convinced a great friend from Arkansas to come up and do the work. Luckily, for us, he agreed.

We worked for the past 7.25 days and transformed a kitchen from absolute hideousness to something completely bad ass. Let me know what you think.

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