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July 21, 2011

Americans Are Not Stupid.

CaptainAmerica.jpg

Hmmmm. I wonder who that guy is in the blue outfit and that, what the hell, is that a shield? A SHIELD??? What an idiot. And I'm preeeeeetty sure he's from America. Look at him, just standing there. Screaming. NOT blending in at all. Not the smartest guy in the war. Ah well, guess I should shoot him now.

GUNSHOTS!!!

What the!?! My bullets deflected off of that lame shield! Oh no you don't!

MORE GUNSHOTS!!!

He's still alive!?! C'mon, dude. Die!!!

17 MORE GUNSHOTS!!!

This is ridiculous. All he's doing is standing there. Screaming. And deflecting all of the gunshots that I've strategically aimed at his upper torso. I've NEVER seen anyone deflect bullets that were going directly for the right elbow! It's kind of sad that no one taught me how to aim for legs or feet, or even hips. It's not even worth trying. I seriously doubt a grenade would even work.

Sigh.

ONE GUNSHOT!!!

Crap. It was worth another try, eh? Man, he's good. You know, I hope we don't lose this entire war because of one goofball and a shield. Ha! Yeah, right! That'll be the day.

Posted by Seth at 08:26 PM | Comments (0)

July 15, 2011

Fly Safe in the Air

WeirdMidgetChild.jpgI enjoy traveling. I think it's fun. Traveling to new places is great. Old places? Well, it's great, too, but for entirely different reasons. I love seeing new places, new towns, new countries. Now, I haven't done a bunch of seeing new countries, but I hope to change that in the future. But to me, hopping on a plane is an amazing thing. (Side note: NO, I will NOT stand up as soon as a plane reaches the gate and I'm a big stickler on airplane rules – let's turn off the cell phones people, it's a federal rule.)

I'm usually an excited traveler. I cannot wait to get wherever I'm going. When I get on the plane, I'm ready to pull out the crosswords puzzle, put on my headphones, ignore whoever is next to me (99.9% of the time) and zone out until we land.

Even so, there's something that I will do every time I get on the plane – and that is to follow along with the safety instruction card found in the back pocket of the seat in front of you.

Gang, it's important to know the safety procedures. I don't care if you travel on planes 364 days of the year. I don't care if you designed the plane that you're flying on. I don't care if you're about to crap your pants because you just had Taco Bell and are saying to yourself that it was a "dumb, dumb decision," (because, yes, it really was a stupid idea – you brought that on yourself, holmes).

I think it's important for us all to be aware of our surroundings and especially aware of proper procedures when an accident occurs. The last thing we need is for people to freak out if something goes wrong with a plane. Granted, I DO know that people will freak out because SOMETHING JUST WENT WRONG WITH A PLANE, but some of us could be calm, don't you think?

Because some situations/explanations are extremely difficult to show (since the plane is currently okay), there are companies like Aero Safety Graphics Inc., that will assist us with their beautiful, politically correct, no-need-for-captions-whatsoever illustrations.

Yes, that is their website and it has been that way since at least December of 2000. And why shouldn't it be?

  1. They have a flying pencil for a logo!
  2. Nowhere under "Ordering and Pricing" can you find any pricing!
  3. The "Examples" page only shows the covers (aka the boring page) of the safety cards!
  4. There are several recommendations from people with no companies listed on the "Recommen-dations" page!
  5. In the unlikely event of a water landing, they even give you six easy steps on how to get a baby safe for floating in water!

Their job isn't an easy one. So pay them a little respect, take the five minutes and follow along with the flight attendants as they prepare you for emergencies on your flight.

Posted by Seth at 07:35 AM | Comments (0)

July 09, 2011

The Fourth in New Haven, CT

I just made out with an Eagle in the back of an F-150.For this year's Fourth of July, Ashlee and I packed up and went to visit our friends in New Haven, Connecticut. While there we ate food (at least three times a day) and did things around the town and sometimes the entire area. Here's a brief summary of what went down:

Words are cool. But photos are better. Go check out the entire set of photos from the trip. Some have comments with them. Some don't. Sorry.

Posted by Seth at 09:06 AM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2011

Garrett is 25. Wait, 25!?!

PTCruiser.jpgIt's July 1. Which means several things. The year is essentially half-way over. The weather in Arkansas and Missouri is disgustingly hot. And, most importantly, it's the beginning of my birthday month! (And my mom's and my brother's.)

Actually, the most important tidbit about today is that my brother is turning 25! To those counting at home, that's one quarter of a century. Which, sadly, means that I'll be turning 34 soon (more on that in the coming weeks).

From what I remember, and what we older people joke about all the time, 25 is the last "major" milestone birthday for a young person. Voting? Bah. Drinking? Bah. Now you can rent a car. And by car I mean one of 17 PT Cruisers that the rental car company won't ever be able to get rid of.

For me, turning 25 was a time of shifting and shuffling. Everything that I thought was right just a few years earlier was beginning to vary. To a kid who's still not past his mid 20s, that's not just an odd thing. It could be ground-shaking. I think I made it out okay, some bumps and bruises, but okay.

Becoming older is now something I look forward to. Not for the extra sore legs after a workout. Not for the stronger headaches after drinking the night before. But because I get to reflect on how, or why, my ideals have shifted. I have a chance to look at how I got to where I am today. I learn from what I did in the past. Hopefully, when I do this, I become smarter.

I think 25 is a fun time. You're not so fresh and inexperienced to living life on your own anymore. But you're not too old to feel like you don't have time left to accomplish anything. This is my worst-kept secret, but I usually don't take too many people seriously until they're over 25.

This isn't meant as a dig on the less-than-25s. It's just been my observation that life can change quite a bit from age 18 to 25. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. 100% of the time it's called life.

To be honest with you, I'm about to turn 34 and I'm still trying to figure things out. It's a work in progress. And I bet there's a 40-something out there saying the same "I don't take 34 year olds serious" thing about me.

But back to my brother. Today is his day and I love the snot out of him. In fact, if I could squeeze the snot out of him, I would – but he's got a good 50 pounds on me and could literally squish me with his pinky.

Garrett, today you're 25. You're well beyond the voting and drinking milestones. It now means you can rent a car! But becoming 25 also means that you still have a lot of life yet to figure out. And while that might be a scary feeling, it's also a wonderful feeling. A free feeling. My advice is to not shy from it. Instad, go live it.

If you need me and all of my vast amazing experience at living (yes, that was extreme sarcasm), then I'm here for you. All you have to do is make the bold decision to look me in the eye and say,

"Seth, I've been wrong since I turned 18. I love PT Cruisers. Maybe more than life itself. They're so slightly curvy and stylish that it makes me weep. It's a car from the past in our present! I find the head divot in the ceiling to be the most forward-looking design element of the 2000s, not iPods. If I could create a bed from a PT Cruiser and put it in my room, then I would. I would name it Cherry. Or maybe Sweet Cherry. I would have picnics on it and watch re-runs of Perfect Strangers. It would be the world's most perfect car bed. Then I would drive it into the country and into a lake because I've also made this the world's only submarine PT Cruiser. No periscope needed because it has an in-dash 6 disc CD changer. My Cherry (or Sweet Cherry) would stay by my side forever. Like a sword. Or revolver. We would finish each other's sentences. And snuggle at night. For this is the perfect car. And, it is my solemn duty to pledge that if I am never able to find my Cherry (or Sweet Cherry) in my lifetime, I will always request a PT Cruiser any time I ever require a rental car. This oath I swear for the rest of my life."

Then, and only then, will I be willing to give you the advice you crave. Man up.

I love you Garrett. Happy Birthday!

Posted by Seth at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)