July09

BMN: The Love Guru

“We see bad movies so that we can truly appreciate the good ones.”
– Someone who (obviously) thinks we’re doing ourselves a service.

Oh Michael. Miiichael Meyers. Mike, Mike, Mike. *sigh* Seriously? I mean, seriously? You stop doing movies (unless you count voice work) to work on a new character. You say that it takes you several years to fully develop a character for a movie, which is totally understandable. But you take three years off and this is what you give us? "The Love Guru!?!" It's nothing more than a horrible Austin Powers knock-off. Awful. Shameful. Dreadful. And here's the shocker, it's getting pitiful ratings, too.

I'll be the first to admit that upon the initial viewing of Austin Powers, I thought it was a pretty silly movie. Then, upon subsequent viewings, I found myself quoting it non-stop and it eventually became one of my top 25 movies (I don't think I could actually name a top 25, though). But "The Love Guru" will not be up there with AP. There were a few laughs here and there, but for 97% of the time, it was a poor man's Austin Powers and lamely done at that.

It makes me wonder the thought process of how Mike came up with this movie...

Austin Powers Rehash #1: Guru Pitka
I have an idea for a character... how about we dress Austin Powers up in an Indian costume, give him an Indian accent and the same mannerisms? Ooo, but this time lets give him good teeth (because he's not British anymore).

Austin Powers Rehash #2: Verne Troyer
Know what this movie really needs? Something fresh. Something new. How about a midget!?! Even better, let's get Verne back. We could even do the same jokes that we did in the Austin Powers movies, you know, where some guy has a weird complex about midgets? Then we could throw him around some because he's so small. He doesn't have to be a good actor, he's a midget!!!

Austin Powers Rehash #3: Basil Exposition Dick Pants
We could probably use a British character that oversees the Guru's activities. Is Michael York available? No? Hmmm, just grab someone with a British accent. And no, it doesn't matter if he's funny.

Austin Powers Rehash #4: Cameos
I can tell that this movie will be lacking in most areas, so let's pack it full of cameos. I'm thinking tons of A-list stars like Jessica Simpson, Kanye West, ... ... and then maybe we could convince Val Kilmer, Mariska Hargitay and not-Celine Dion to show up, too. WAIT! I'LL make a cameo, too!

Austin Powers Rehash #5: Every Joke Possible
I'm writing this damn thing, so I'll reuse whatever I want. Deal with it.

Want more? Here's what else didn't work:

• Justin Timberlake, not funny.
• Jessica Alba, dancing hot, but also not funny or scantily clad enough.
• The many songs that the Guru sang.
• Name it.

The one thing that I think could've made this movie was to do it all as if it were made in Bollywood. There's a scene where the film quality is very run down and it's obviously dubbed over, which would have been a nice change for once. But alas, it wasn't to be. This movie sucked and I hope that Mike Meyers is done trying to invent new characters, or at least stick with the ones that work. Or, better yet, let's go back to "So I Married an Axe Murderer," that was good.

+ original post date: July 9, 2008 09:58 AM
+ categories: Bad Movie Night