September05

Don’t You Dare Work Today

Ahhhhh. Labor Day. Or for you French enthusiasts.... ahhhh, Labour Day. Pig Latin? Ahhhhhay... Aborlay Ayday. In any which case, today is Labo(u)r Day, which means we don’t work! That’s right... we’re not celebrating a death or a war today. We’re not celebrating a bunny or a turkey today. We’re definitely not celebrating a president or a sport (Boxing Day, anyone?). Today we celebrate the working men and women of America.

It’s a celebrated day that was started over 100 years ago and the idea was to balance a workers life into eight hour segments – eight for work, eight for play and eight for rest. That sounds pretty sweet. As a working man, I can appreciate one extra day off a year. So for those of you who work, today isn’t one of those days. Take the day off and relax!

Unless you’re a gas station attendant. I suspect some families will need gas today and you’ll need to be there to overcharge them for it. Otherwise, take the day off.

Well, unless you’re a newspaper delivery person. Those things run on subscription, ya know. And some people can’t live without their dailies. Besides, if there’s any great Labor Day sales going on, I’ll bet they’re in there. Mailmen, you’re okay. Take the day off, like the rest of us.

The rest of us NOT including grocery store employees. One of the “typical things to do on a Labor Day,” is a picnic lunch. I doubt many of us planned ahead for this, so we’ll need to swing by before we go to the park. Besides, my milk had a freakin’ quick expiration date on it this time, I’m going to need some more of that.

Department store clerks, sorry, but who’s going to deal with all the shitty sale shoppers? You’ve got to be open today, you advertised all weekend that today was the day of super sales! Maybe we could haggle over some queen-sized bed sheets, or better yet, maybe we could get in some very detailed conversation and you can tell me that you can’t answer all of my questions because the usual salesperson has the day off. That’d be great.

The rest of us, we’re taking the day off. Except the Police. And Firemen. And Hospital people. Drunkards and speeders still drive today, fires can still be started and I’m sure someone is going to get hurt today. Though I don’t wish for any of that to happen, it’s almost inevitable. So you guys have to work today, crappy, I know.

Movie theater people, you gotta work, too. Just what you wanted to do on a nice day in Kansas City, I’m sure, but you HAVE to. All ticket and concession sales aren’t fully automated, yet, and someone has to set the films up (not to mention the 17 commercials and trailers before each one, oh, and the crappy ads and trivia, too). And, and, and... the weekend estimates aren’t in for which movie made the most, yet, because it’s a holiday weekend... today counts big time – there are a lot of people who don’t have to work today (see calendar).

City road workers, YOU can actually have the day off. It’s strange, because it hardly looks like you work much any way, but today is your day. Maybe you could spend some time figuring out where all the damn metal plates are – oh wait, you lost count of them. At least the city is doing something about it now.

Librarians, day off. Pizza deliverers, gotta work. Royals baseball player, day off (though you’ve taken way too many of those this year). Chiefs cheerleader, private show? No? Damn. Then take the day off. News anchor, gotta work. Television station owner, do you ever?

Apartment landlords, off. Vetrenarians, off. Doctors, off (unless you work at a hospital). 24-hour “answering service” for the aforementioned jobs, gotta work (and not help any of us, because we call to talk to those specific people).

So some of us will be working and most of us won’t. Sorry, that’s the breaks. Regardless, I hope everyone has a nice Labor-less day (except those mentioned above, you gotta work on a day of not working, but I’ve explained all that).

Happy The Labor Day!!!

+ original post date: September 5, 2005 09:20 AM
+ categories: Holidays