August07

Simon Says, "F Off"

Today is Simon Bird Gunderson's fifth birthday. That's five years that I've (Wendy, too) had to endure him not coming when I call him, scratching and biting me for no reason, late night sneak attacks and, of course, knocking stuff over when I haven't fed him. All this, plus the fact that he hates it when there's more than one person at my place, chews on chords and cotton clothes and would rather sit NEAR me and not ON me.

But he's my boy and I love him.

Don't bother sending him money or even a birthday card for that matter. Don't extend any happy birthday wishes or try to give him a kiss. Don't think that he'll be nice to you, not today, not ever. That, my friends, is how Simon rolls – however the hell he wants to.

And if you pass him on the streets, just look away, or he'll cut you and tell you to "f off."

Happy the Birthday, Simon!

+ original post date: August 7, 2005 02:28 PM
+ categories: Simon